Tag Archives: intentions

Choosing Toxicity

Posted on by

 

Powerful words hit home at just the right time.

Clearing through my desk drawers, I came across “Your Metabolic Journey”, a sublime excerpt from Marc David’s Slow Food. Like any truly wise piece, it strikes a different chord each time I read it.

Going through once again, I paused at this part: “If you invite toxicity into the body then you are asking it into your personal world.” True. Could apply to me. The full impact of how deeply these words were meant for me didn’t show up until a few days later.

A Bad Habit Revealed

I hate to admit this out loud, but I tend to be the shoemaker’s child when it comes to my eating habits. Using the turmoil of a big move as an excuse, that tendency took over and became the beast I’d worked so hard to tame. My food intake was less than exemplary, less than nourishing.

I was eating stuff that I clearly know is bad for me (because of asthma and gallstones and other issues that seem to be cropping up like weeds as I age). I am a much happier girl if I stay away from gluten, dairy, sugar, dark chocolate (I know!), greasy food and alcohol. Yet, I was eating bread and pasta and baked goods constantly. I was adding cheese and creamy sauces to everything.

A Nagging Belief

As part of my inner journey, I recently came face-to-face with a belief I held around punishment necessarily following reward. Call it the Upper Limits Problem (à la Gay & Kathleen Hendricks), or a fear that something bad must follow the good, a loss after a win. I started living in dread that some mysterious shoe would drop because of many positive changes in my life, to the point that I was lying awake, imagining the possibilities in all sorts of permutations from identity theft to brain tumours to multiple forms of destitution.

I’m always on the lookout for when and how certain conditions start in body and mind, so I wracked my brain for the story or memory that would have set that belief in motion. Yet, it didn’t seem to resonate with any of the childhood stuff I’ve rehashed for other juicy info.

How Habits Create Beliefs

A few days later, I woke up to the fact that I was nursing a glass of port while nibbling a bowl of chips into which I’d dumped a pack of Reese’s Pieces.

This wasn’t a party or a special occasion or a rare occurrence. I was having them, the worst foods for my digestive and adrenal health – for the 3rd day in a row – as I supervised homework and got supper started. To be perfectly honest, I’d been eating chips and drinking alcohol more regularly than is good for me these past months, along with my other transgressions.

You see, I’d had a good day, was feeling carefree and I figured, “Why not?” knowing full well I’d likely be suffering in the days to come. This is a pattern with me. Nothing new.

And that’s when Marc David’s words hit me full force. The belief in punishment is not a result of some trauma that happened when I was 3. It’s the result of a current habit I’d let slip into daily routine.

How crazy is that? I’ve been punishing my body as a means of celebration.

How to Turn Awareness into Action

The lesson I’d received went one step deeper the next day when I, yet again, chose a glass of port over herbal tea for my mid-afternoon treat… because it was there.

It seems that becoming aware of the pattern wasn’t enough to get me to stop. It took a much harsher reality to snap me out of it completely.

The 8-year-old daughter of a dear friend has a usually benign condition that, in her case, causes intestinal bleeding. It’s been stable for several years, but has recently come back with a vengeance. The day after my big Aha, she was in surgery for the 2nd time in as many weeks, as 5 doctors performed innovative techniques to stop it once and for all.

This girl was fighting for her life, yet I continued to take my own digestive & healing capacity for granted by clogging them up with the very elements that cause me the most harm.

My good intentions took on a whole other meaning when they weren’t just about me. I needed a cause greater than myself – a Why – to jump-start the humility it took to step fully into the shift.

I’d been praying and sending healing light to my friend, her family, the doctors. It was time I put my prayers into action. …Maybe create a new belief in the process.

The only way I can build trust in the Universe’s inherent goodness, to trust the powers at be to keep me safe when things go well, is to build trust in myself to do the same.

Regardless of how magical the intention behind your thoughts and words, there comes a time when you need to set the wheels in motion with concrete action. If I want to free myself from unnecessary punishment, I need to stop punishing myself unnecessarily.

If I want to enjoy vibrant health, I need to stop the practices which dull that vibration.

A Belief is a Choice

Another thought lands as these realizations swirl through me, mind, body and soul: holding onto a belief or a habit is a choice.

And so I choose to detoxify. Not a full-on diet change, I simply reduce the ways in which I “invite toxicity” into my body.

I choose instead to “invite the sacred into [my] personal world, [so I] will find it inhabiting [my] metabolic world.” (Marc David)

I choose reward over punishment, health over setbacks.

I choose to feed my body, my thoughts, my beliefs according to the person I want to be.

I choose to show myself the Love I want to radiate to the world.

And you know what? Like magic, there’s been no question or struggle about nourishing vs harmful foods ever since.

What about you? Which of your habits perpetuate beliefs you’d rather clear? What awareness have you recently had which now needs action to alter your metabolism and your life?

When you share in the comments, you open the possibilities for others.

Radiate love and light in your world: share this post with friends using any (or all!) of the pretty green buttons.

Better Eating Habits Made Easy

Posted on by

“What the hell do I eat?!?”

Freeze frame on the woman in my office.

Deer in the headlights. Panic stricken.

A little over an hour ago, she walked in with a smile on her face. We exchanged pleasantries then she proceeded to tell me how the inflammation/hormones/lack of sleep is affecting her body and her life.

She walked me through a typical day, we talked about when things started to go awry, then we dove beneath the surface. We explored the ways her life situations contribute to her symptoms. We focused inward, listening to her body’s clues about what it needs.

Through it all, she followed my lead and answered my questions with curiosity and that raw honesty you bring forth when you’re committed to doing what it takes to fix this thing once and for all.

Then we got back to the practical side of things. The lifestyle shifts and food suggestions that will reduce her symptoms and help her body rebalance. This is when I explained how ___________ (gluten, dairy, sugar, refined food,…) are part of the problem and she’d do better to do without.

That’s the moment when the deer stepped onto the road. “There’s nothing left to eat!”

You’d think I’d just told her we needed to cut off her arm.

It’s the first reaction, isn’t it?

Regardless of what the doctor or the naturopath has explained, or despite test results that show a clear sensitivity to certain foods, a wall goes up.

Before you open your mind to the possibilities the changes present – among them feeling better! – the first thought is that there’s nothing left to eat.

It’s like when you take the same route home from work every day, then one day there’s a construction detour. Do you happily trust the detour signs to get you where you need to go, or do you go into panic mode because your routine has been sideswiped?

Resistance is the ego’s way of making sure you stay safe. Its definition of “safe” being “familiar”. If there’s one thing we all resist more than anything else it’s change – stepping out of the ol’ comfort zone and into the unknown.

Resistance also smacks of your inner teenager rebelling when she’s told No.

When it comes to food and eating habits, treading into the zone of resistance and rebellion is par for the course. Your brain, your gut and your emotions are hard-wired together more tightly than that tangle of string in your kitchen junk drawer. Pleasure, punishment, associations, comfort, control all balled up with fears and skewed needs for love and attention.

So, even if you’ve made a conscious decision to change the way you eat for the sake of your health, it takes a bit of time – and potential backsliding – to sort out the knots and get some new habits in place.

Sure I could jump in and give you a list of ways to replace the poor choices for better. You could browse the cookbooks at your local Indigo or Google x-free recipes and find more ideas than you’d ever have time to use.

Before you can go there, though, you need to make friends with that rebellious teen. Settle the panic from the inside so you have more success on the outside.

Rather than run with a list to the health food store, grab your journal and ask yourself the following 3 questions:

1. WHY are you making these changes?

The first response here might be “because the doctor/naturopath/osteopath told me to”. Maybe you’ve seen a friend have success with a particular eating style. Maybe you’re just trying the next thing on the list of trends that may fix your “thing” once and for all.

Which gets to the next layer of response: fixing your thing. Do you want to lose 15lbs, sleep better, have more energy, stop being in pain after every meal…?

Sure, those are all part of why you’re cutting out some of your favourite foods. Now look at why those things are important to you.

How will your life improve or be different after those pounds are gone? How will your parenting, marriage, career shift once you’re feeling better? What parts of your life are you putting off because of these issues?

2. WHAT’S preventing you from making the changes?

Perhaps it’s the practical steps that have kept you stuck. “I don’t know what to eat.” Fortunately, this one’s easily rectified thanks to books, the internet and professional advice.

What else is holding you back from getting closer to your health goals? I usually phrase this with clients as: What are the benefits to staying in this state?

Benefits to being fat, tired and in pain – is this woman insane?!?

Breathe into that question. Sit with how it makes you uncomfortable. You may even want to put it on the backburner for a day or two. Then come back to it. Gently.

Does the added weight keep you connected to your late father? Help you establish your place in the family or at work? Does your pain get you special attention? Does the lack of energy allow you to keep playing small?

There’s no judgment in what comes up here. No shame in understanding your motivations and beliefs.

Only once you see them can you determine if you still need them or if you can pack them up and send them on their way.

3. How do you want to FEEL?

What’s your dream solution?

How would you feel, how would you look, if the health issues were cleared?

How will you feel when those shifts in your life actually come to fruition? What are the actual sensations in your body when you’re living the life you want to be living?

I’ll bet there are variations of expansiveness, lightness, groundedness. I’ll also bet there’s a sense of safety, of feeling well in your own skin.

Whatever those sensations are, hang out with them and describe them to yourself or a partner until you know them in detail – the colour, the temperature, the texture, the image they remind you of. Notice how you sit and stand when you feel that way. Notice how you speak when you feel that way – both the words you use and the timber of your voice.

Let these sensations in your body become familiar. Let them permeate you with how safe & comfortable you are in that state.

Give the way you feel a name: Grounded Expansion. Blue Angel. River of Calm.

Now, set that as your intention. The Why of the changes you’ll make – dietary or otherwise.

Use it as your touchstone when the voice of panic creeps in to sabotage your efforts, or when your friends try to twist your arm to accept one small piece of fudge cake.

Ground back into your intention. Your safe zone. From there you can build new habits to help create and sustain that way of being on the outside. From there you can decide if, in this moment, a piece of cake to bond with friends is more important than the integrity of your digestive tract.

Holding the intention of who you want to be and why you want to be that person opens the door of possibility wide enough that the necessary changes no longer induce fear. They become almost effortless.

If you still need help with the details, by all means, get in touch. I’d be only too happy to guide you.

In the comments, tell us what your biggest block is when it comes to changing an eating habit. How did you overcome it, or do you still struggle with it? When you share your thoughts, you open the possibilities for others.

Know someone else who’s stuck making necessary changes to her eating habits? Send her this post using any (or all!) of these buttons.

[social_share/]

A Healthy Expression of You

Posted on by

 

I’m so glad I embraced that new tradition of coming up with a Word of the Year. It has so much more staying power and room for possibility, rather than resolutions for things you’ll jump into whole-heartedly for 3 weeks, then let fizzle out and gather dust with those last few Christmas ornaments you keep forgetting to pack away.

For 2015, I chose Trust. It held a place of honour on my first-ever vision board (unless you count my adolescent bedroom wall). It underlay the decisions I made in work and life. It peppered my parenting. Trust allowed me to take a step back from the worried, need-to-control-every-outcome-in-my-life thoughts that spin around my head at 3 am.

A year based on Trust opened the space for more possibility and best of all, those possibilities showed up!

  • As deep connections with new colleagues and clients;
  • As more clients (aka more income);
  • As fewer stress-based knee-jerk reactions when the shit hit the fan;
  • As fewer inner battles around eating “good” food and steering clear of the stuff that does me harm;
  • As professionals trusting me to be the person they needed to flesh out their projects – a reflection of my own trust in having the ability to step up and be that person;
  • As fewer arguments, more ease and fun, with my sons;
  • As a more honest look at who I am and what I want/need.

As magical as the power of commitment to a word is, there’s magic in the discovery of the word in the first place.

How to Choose a Word

There are plenty of business and life coaches around with tools to help you find your word for the coming year. Some of them are based on core feelings, some on core values…or a combination of the two. (If you want a specific reference, let me know and I’ll send you some links.)

In the end, it comes down to being aware of what you say, what you write, which topics draw you in as you read – notice the words and themes that come up often. It’s the way that your soul gently invites you to explore what’s most important for your growth and healing over the next 4 seasons.

This is how it’s transpired for me in the last few weeks:

I’ve given a lot of attention to stepping away from letting the list of shoulds dictate my day, and moving towards decisive action.

Small moments of dishonesty – “white” lies, omissions, denial – mostly to myself – have been coming out of the shadows and tapping me on the shoulder for appraisal.

I noticed ways in which I held myself back from saying what I fully needed to say to a client, in a supervision group, to my child, to my husband. …Or let it out in a passive aggressive way.

I noticed ways in which I shied away from giving all I could have in a situation – food for a pot-luck, donations, gifts.

During an energetic medicine session, my throat became tight at the same time as the practitioner started coughing.

In part it was all about doing over not doing, saying over holding back. But as I sat with it, really let it all sink in as I journaled about it, the word came out loud and clear.

Expression

Perhaps it could be seen as an extension of the trust I built last year. Where trust required a bit more surrender, expression requires a verb. It’s the movement, the action, the saying of the words that come up when I trust myself. Expression is a fully honest manifestation of me – poured forth into a safe container held by people I trust to receive it.

I have a feeling it’ll prove to be the “master class” for what I learned about over the past year. As I prepare to commit to its development through 2016, I recognize it will also come with a more expanded sense of responsibility, as who I am is more openly expressed.

Regardless, I’m already excited about the magic it will create in my health, my relationships and my life.

What do you need more of in 2016? Would finding a theme word help you achieve it? Let’s find out: write your word here and open the possibilities for yourself!

Want accountability and moral support as you explore? Tell two friends (by using the share buttons below) and get them to join you.

[social_share/]

Prepare for the Holidays (and the Buffet Table) with Grace and Ease

Posted on by

 

It seems no matter where you live, American Thanksgiving marks the official kick-off to the holiday season. Or should I say, the eating-and-spending-too-much-season.

Every year, I fantasize about what it would be like to get so organized through the month of November, that December is filled with nothing but relaxed get-togethers, decorating and baking goodies for sharing.

Invitation OverloadAs much as my inner June Cleaver loves this picture, the reality is closer to Samantha Stephens when she’s promised not to use magic, with a hint of Elyse Keaton trying to resolve eco-friendly ideals with the consumer needs of the rest of the family.

Gets me thinking about what it takes to prepare for the holidays. Not just the house and the gifts, but what we need on the inside to avoid overwhelm on the outside.

Family triggers ready to snap and Aunt Rachel’s famous Nanaimo bars threatening to set your dietary efforts back 6 months. More invitations than you could want in a year…and some you’d rather not.

How can you navigate the holidays with grace and without letting the rich food on offer get the best of you?

Taking care of yourself over the holidays too often gets disguised as a need to deprive yourself all day or overdo at the gym, in anticipation of over-doing at the party later. In reality, it’s about addressing the parts of you that need to get back in touch with the true spirit of the season so you can openly embrace the love and joy.

In the lead-up to the holidays, I see 4 holiday attitudes coming to light among my clients and my friends.

  1. Women afraid that the month of December will wreak havoc on their diet and exercise plan.

This plays out 2 ways:

You become a martyr and not eat anything that might break your calorie budget or,

You throw caution to the wind and eat everything in site, then beat yourself up for it and enroll in the most punishingly intense boot-camp you can find in January.

  1. Women driven by guilt and obligation, running themselves ragged finding gifts for people they don’t care about or accepting invitations to places that drain them, because they feel they “should”. (I talked about the danger of the shoulds a few weeks back.)
  2. Adults disappointed and let down because Christmas doesn’t hold the same magic it did when they were kids.
  3. People (I can be guilty of this one) getting sick, grumpy and exhausted by wearing out their social energy budgets. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends and enjoying myself, but put a confirmed introvert* like me in too many situations where I have to make polite conversation with large numbers and I get drained quickly.

Here are 3 simple, yet powerful ways to prepare for the holidays, so you come through in one piece. Print this PDF if you want to play along and find a more graceful and easy way through your holiday celebrations.

1. What are you Celebrating?

The commercialization of the holidays breaks my heart, and leaves me feeling more like Scrooge than Mrs. Claus. It’s not just Christmas either.

American Thanksgiving seems to be more about Black Friday sales than appreciation of abundance and family. The Hannukah decorations and products I see around my neighbourhood tell me that Hallmark and toy manufacturers have got their teeth into another holiday, making it retail competition for Christmas.

Whether Christian, Jewish, pagan, or Hindu, we’re celebrating the return of the light. We’re celebrating the Winter Solstice and the hope of new light – enlightenment – after a dark time (literally and metaphorically).

I taught my children that we’re celebrating the light of Jesus (the divinity) that lives in all of us, in our hearts. In giving gifts, we acknowledge the same in others. A way of manifesting the Golden Rule – loving another as we love ourselves – something that’s found in every religion.

At Christmas, I give gratitude for, and share my light with those around me.

The deep meaning may be somewhat different for you. The point is there needs to be an intention for the celebrating, otherwise it’s just a month of empty calories and mindless spending of money, time and energy.

Follow the prompts on the playsheet to uncover the values and intentions you want to foster through this time of celebration. Make a touchstone: a visual or other concrete reminder that you can keep with you, and use to centre yourself as you shop and bake and plan and visit and eat over the next month.

2. Give yourself Permission…or not.

You now have an intention by which you can weigh your options.

Next, get clear on your limits. How much time, energy and money are you able and willing to spend/share this holiday season? Kind of like the curfew your mother gave you. It’s not there to deprive you or rain on your parade in any way; the limit is for your safety and well-being.

With these two pieces grounding you, your choices become infinitely easier.

You can now seek the inner permission to accept (or decline) each invitation. To decide to buy a gift or not.

Perhaps you choose to buy a gift for a colleague or to attend an event out of obligation; give yourself permission to keep the gift simple, or only stay as long as you feel comfortable and plan ahead to leave early if need be.

Maybe it’s a party you love, but the large crowd overwhelms you. Give yourself permission to take a break in a quiet corner.

Go inside yourself to know exactly what that permission feels like to you. The directions for recognizing a Yes or a No in your body are on the playsheet.

3. See Temptation as a Blessing in Disguise

The food is richer and more copious.

The alcohol flows more freely.

The buffet table can look like Mount Everest, daring you or scaring you. Tempting you.

The Devil - Morgan Greer Tarot

Morgan Greer Tarot

Like the Devil card in Tarot. It’s one of my favourites. It reminds me that Lucifer (light) shows me what’s in my shadows, lurking in the dark corners of my mind and heart.

I notice that part of what makes me uncomfortable at large parties is the sense of competition and insecurity that’s hidden behind all the excess. We live in a society of more is better, and so there’s pressure to be out there, proving that we’re more and better.

Even if everyone’s let their hair down at the office party, the undercurrent of the politics remains. Family issues don’t suddenly disappear at this time of year because there’s a tree in the living room. In fact, trying to make like everything’s great leads to a build-up of anxiety that starts to permeate the room and leaks out in unfortunate ways, especially when the booze is flowing.

I’ve seen men making cruel comments to their wives, poorly couched as jokes. I’ve witnessed women getting bent out of shape about place settings and etiquette to quell their own discomfort around underlying family tensions.

When you’re not nourished with the true joy and love of the season, you compensate with too much food and alcohol and sweets. You fill your belly because you’re not fulfilled.

Instead, understand that the temptation may be compensating for another need or covering up your insecurity.

“Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.”  ~ Pema Chödrön

Follow the steps on the playsheet to shed some light in the corners of your temptation. The example is for food; even if your particular nemesis is the bar or inappropriate men or over-spending on gifts, the same principles apply.

Heading to the actual party is where the acid test for listening to your body comes into play.

Can you recognize the anxiety you feel about talking to your boss and give it an internal hug of reassurance rather than reaching for that 2nd piece of chocolate log?

When you see the host heading to refill your glass, can you check in for permission, to check if it’s better to stop now or feel like crap tomorrow?

The best times I’ve had at parties, large and small, with family, friends and colleagues – when I’ve chatted comfortably, eaten and drunk enough to enjoy myself without feeling pain or regret the next day – have been when I’ve taken the time to centre myself before and remained true to my needs throughout.

When you do, you give yourself permission to shine your light, adding to the warm glow of the season.

Happy Holidays!

What gets you tied in a knot over the holidays and how do you untangle from its hold? When you share in the comments, you open the possibilities for others.

Have any friends who would rather hibernate than celebrate through the holidays? Share this post by using any (or all!) of these buttons.

[social_share/]

You’ve Got the Power!

Posted on by

Inspired by Judy Chicago, I’ve created a virtual dinner party: One category of my blog will be dedicated to honouring women who I want to be a part of my soul community. Each woman at my virtual table has a lesson to teach, even if it’s simply to inspire us with her ability to hold greater aspirations for ourselves than we’d ever thought possible. Each one will be a manifestation of the Goddess, a Wise Woman, a pilgrim on the road of the Sacred Feminine. I want to share the wisdom of these women as part of my community of support.

If I were to sum up most of the cases I’ve had in my practice over the years, I’d have to say that women come to me feeling like a greyed-out version of themselves and frustrated at unable to access the full-colour self they know and love.

This may sound really strange, but I get really excited when they come right out and say, “I don’t feel like myself.” It turns me on because that’s the moment of greatest possibility: these women know what they want…they simply need some direction to get there.

Let me explain.

Every time I watch The Wizard of Oz, I get a chill when Dorothy gets to Oz and this strange, technicolour world. She may be scared & confused, but her mind also quickly opens up to the opportunity for something she hadn’t quite imagined.

Glinda tells her she can get what she wants – to go home – and sets her on the path that will get her there.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) Directed by Victor Fleming Shown: Judy Garland (as Dorothy Gale) on the Yellow Brick Road, wearing the ruby slippers

The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Directed by Victor Fleming
Shown: Judy Garland (as Dorothy Gale) on the Yellow Brick Road, wearing the ruby slippers

Along the way, she finds others to accompany her, mainly because they too want something from the wizard, but she also learns valuable lessons that help in her journey. She discovers things about herself that she hadn’t considered before.

The first of which is trust: she trusts what the Good Witch has told her and heads out full of hope that she’ll get there.

The Wicked Witch, of course, comes along and tries to derail her efforts by playing on her fears. Sound familiar?

Maybe you don’t have someone throwing fireballs at you and your straw friends or chasing you with flying monkeys, but the prospect of stepping out of your comfort zone gives you pause, doesn’t it?

If there’s one thing we humans rail against (no matter the potential outcome) is change. It scares us as much as a fireball. Or we zone out as if we’d walked into a field of poppies.

In my office, it comes out as blanket statements like, “Make me better without having to give up my morning muffin and coffee routine. My cookies, my bread.” Or “I want to reduce my symptoms but I don’t eat vegetables.”

The other one I hear a lot, after I tell them what they’ll need to avoid is, “But there’s nothing left to eat!”

It’s that moment of panic when you’re not ready (or willing) to step off the edge of familiar.

And so you continue to wander aimlessly around the dark forest, looking for the wizard with the quick fix, because you don’t trust the yellow-brick road laid out before you.

Or, more likely, you don’t trust yourself to follow it.

emerald city

The one thing that keeps Dorothy putting one foot in front of the other towards the Emerald City – besides the fortitude of company and a few catchy tunes – is the fact that she keeps her eye on the prize.

She wants to go home, just as my clients want to return home to themselves, and she’ll do what she’s gotta do to get there. She even goes so far as to seek out the witch – confront her fears and discomfort directly – melting her into oblivion in the process.

At every step, she lets her desire for what’s possible outweigh the fears, the mishaps and hard work it takes to get there.

She discovers her determination and inner strength. The very energy that charge her ruby slippers with the super-power she had all along.

One of my super-powers is the ability to decipher the path that will get you from the B&W world of where you are to the technicolour place you want to be. You could say I’ve cast myself as the Good Witch in this particular movie.

And just like Glinda, I show up regularly to keep you focused on your goal when the way gets clouded with fear and uncertainty.

Do you have an image of what the technicolour version of your health and life look like?

Contact me today and we’ll figure out how to get you onto that yellow brick road.Free IC Button

Have any friends searching for the road to vibrant health? Send them this post using any (or all!) of the share buttons below.

[social_share/]